Post by AnnB (NE) on Aug 12, 2009 12:42:42 GMT -5
This seems like a good time to post this, with so many waiting for calves.
The Cow's Code of Honor
The cow's secret code of honor is as old as cows themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret.
No cow shall ever calve before her time. ("her time" being determined by the following factors):
1- No calf shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved.
Your owner's house must be a wreck, their family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and their social life nonexistent.
2- "Midwives" must reach the babbling fool status before you calve out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to
form a sentence mean the time is getting close.
3- For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach
to you, calving must be delayed by at least one day for each an audio monitor, 3 for a video monitor, one good bellow per hour will keep things interesting.
4- If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready.
She'll be fine while we're away for the weekend,"
Wait until they load the car, then begin pushing!
5- Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting close.
6- When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!"
wait at least three more days.
7 -You must keep this waiting game interesting. False
alarms are mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your
stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it, and laying on your side, are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
8- The honor of all cows is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH, they made her submit to petting too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings, vaccinations, and palpations can also be avenged at this time.
9- If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have the calf, listen to the weather forecast on
the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
10- Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too.
Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind
man of how truly special cows are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful heifer to carry on the Cow Code of Honor for the next generation of those who wait!
The Cow's Code of Honor
The cow's secret code of honor is as old as cows themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret.
No cow shall ever calve before her time. ("her time" being determined by the following factors):
1- No calf shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved.
Your owner's house must be a wreck, their family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and their social life nonexistent.
2- "Midwives" must reach the babbling fool status before you calve out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to
form a sentence mean the time is getting close.
3- For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach
to you, calving must be delayed by at least one day for each an audio monitor, 3 for a video monitor, one good bellow per hour will keep things interesting.
4- If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready.
She'll be fine while we're away for the weekend,"
Wait until they load the car, then begin pushing!
5- Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting close.
6- When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!"
wait at least three more days.
7 -You must keep this waiting game interesting. False
alarms are mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your
stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it, and laying on your side, are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
8- The honor of all cows is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH, they made her submit to petting too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings, vaccinations, and palpations can also be avenged at this time.
9- If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have the calf, listen to the weather forecast on
the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
10- Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too.
Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind
man of how truly special cows are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful heifer to carry on the Cow Code of Honor for the next generation of those who wait!